Date Night

True Love

My husband has many talents.
He can rewire our whole house, he uses bleach like no one(except maybe Sarah, she is crazy off those fumes), he gardens, and can make a mean excel spreadsheet and statistical chart (so hot). But the man cannot give a back rub. to. save. his.(or my)life.
While talking to Sarah(when am I NOT talking to Sarah?!) we both agreed it is a conspiracy that husbands have. One that communicates "let's not set high expectations, because now that I show I am incapable, she will never ask me again". It kind of works. I have chosen my battle and this is not one of them. I on the other hand, somehow, gives great back rubs and he is ALWAYS asking for one.
If there is an argument I want to win, I give a back rub. I can never win an argument, IF I went to a real High School, debate team would not have been top on my list for clubs. Craft club? Yes! All arguments in my childhood left we me standing there calling my brothers "stupids". Yeah, I am that great with words. Therefore I am lowered to bribery and I am O.K. with this.
So last night, as we are having "couch time".

Me: "Honey, I love you and need you"

Dave: "I need you, too. I can't reach my own back"

ALIVE!

Since the birth of Henry it seems that I have lacked a few things. Just a small list that is longer than the ingredients of the food that I feed my children (mmmm, preservatives). There is the lack of remembering of where the car keys went, forgetfulness of my own birthday, the need to wear pants with an actual zipper and buttons, any privacy when going to the bathroom without little eyes watching you, seeing my hair in anything but a pony tail and the fact I have had not only brain cells distributed to my children but my energy.
So in an effort to take back a small portion of stamina and try to keep up with the maniacs that run my house every day. . . My dear friend (who always has a clean house, how do you do it?) suggested some vitamins. Not only do these vitamins look like Aardvark poop but they taste like that Aardvark ate their own poop and then pooped it again and then you thought it was a good idea to eat that poop. (Did I mention poop?) After you gag down these babies with some vodka (I'm kidding, or am I?!) 2 hours later, you pee mountain dew. No joke. These things do things to your insides.
The changes I feel:

• I don't know if I necessarily feel more energetic, but some days I find myself more motivated. Like the vitamin is a mini Oprah that I am swallowing and she is making me dream of things that I could do.

• I am very regular on these babies (and as in regular I mean I take a business visit to the restroom every morning at 6:50am). I know this is a lot of personal information but this is MY blog and I like sharing. Blame my brothers for the free feeling of sharing bodily functions.
• I am dead by the time 8pm rolls around. Like I could roll up in a ball in the corner and fall asleep like a hobo.
  
• Henry seems a little less tolerable on some days and my patience seems maybe a bit shorter. I am blaming the vitamins on this and not the fact that my child may need more discipline than my first child who is looking pretty saintly lately.

So long story short. Maybe I just needed to start taking a multivitamin on a regular basis. Up until now coffee was my only nutrition that I consistently had daily.

A moment for Coffee.

"It's Grandpa!"

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Me? I am from Uranus

Today, approximately 16 hours after our dishwasher was laid to rest, I realized I hate doing the most mundane household chores. I would rather walk around with my underwear on the outside of my pants than wash the mound. of. dishes. next. to. my. sink.

MOTHER of the year

*Walked into the bathroom.
*Eyes wide with astonishment as I eyeball Noah's potty chair
*Thinking, how did it get soooo full....
*Wanting to ignore it
*Deciding to empty it
*Empties potty chair and even disinfects it (yes, it was that full, people) (stop judging) (I said, stop)
........
20 minutes later
........
Noah: Mooooooooom!
Me: *rushing into the bathroom
Noah: Thank you for cleaning the potty!
Me: No problem! (ummmm, it must have been hideous. But I will take the thank you)
Noah: *hugs my leg

Prayer

Noah: ".....and thank you for Noah's job and Daddy's job, and thank you for Noah's mustache and thank you for Daddy's mustache......"
Me: *snicker, snort, giggle
Mom: "did he just say "mustache"?"
Me: "yes" *snort
Noah: ".... and... Amen!"

Inconvenient Incontinence.

Dear Henry,

Please stop pooping in the bathtub.

Love,
The Management.