The Wait

We have been sitting in silence.
Waiting to hear of our court date to go and meet our daughter.
This has been the most difficult part of this process.
It has been about 7 weeks of leaving it to the Lord.  We know we are next in line to be scheduled and wait in anticipation.
God is giving me a lesson that I did not want to see.
A weakness that is hard to admit and claim.
Patience.
As a mother, I thought God automatically preloaded that into you when you gave birth or welcomed a child into your family.
Not so for me.
I have learned that patience and the need to control has been one of the hardest things for me to let go of in this adoption.
Early in the fall when I was in control of filling out paperwork, pushing our social worker(nicely coaxing... ok... kinda pushing) and getting physicals, psych evals, fingerprints..etc... it was hard but so much more calming because I had a checklist and was able to manage it.
Once all of the things I could do was over and I had to just let the process ride, I have been having to sit in trust.
Trusting that the government would give us clearance, that our agency would be sending in our documents at the correct time, the courts would be handling our file and notifying birth family, and mostly trusting God that if she is to be ours, He will move the process forward.

You guys. I love Amazon Prime. I can have google eyes, ibprofen and batteries all delivered to my house in 2 days.  I love knowing that there are new iPhones coming out every year, sometimes TWICE a year.  I heart having pizza delivered to my house in 30 minutes.  This life affords us such materialistic comforts in an instant.
This is a lesson I never thought I would be learning in this. But it is the lesson my family and especially me needs.
Waiting and sitting in God’s trust has slowly worked through me.  I have no control in this.  I have never had control. I always like to think I have control but the reality is, it’s not God’s design.  For my relationship to work with God I need to feel safe and trust His hand in my life. I just have to keep remembering that Jesus waited.  He waited and prayed. . . Before he was crucified.  I can only imagine the wait and trust God for such a sacrifice.  I am not even close to that wait. I can do this if He did that for me.
So we wait and pray.
I hope you are praying.  (Thank you)
Because I have not perfected this patience thing.
For all of you in the middle of a wait.  I hear ya.  I am with ya.